“in less than 23 hands”

Oh, I almost forgot. The same table that quadrupled my buy-in also featured Grubby’s evil twin:

Party Poker No-Limit Hold’em, $ BB (9 handed) converter

MP3 ($10.2)
CO ($25)
Button ($24.25)
SB ($59.15)
BB ($32.15)
UTG ($43.17)
UTG+1 ($16.4)
MP1 ($25.2)
Hero ($24.25)

Preflop: Hero is MP2 with Qc, As. SB posts a blind of $0.25. BB posts a blind of $0.5. CO posts a blind of $0.5.
UTG calls $0.50, UTG+1 calls $0.50, MP1 calls $0.50, Hero calls $0.50, MP3 calls $0.50, CO (poster) checks, Button calls $0.50, SB (poster) completes, BB raises $3.50 to $4, UTG folds, UTG+1 folds, MP1 calls $3.50, Hero calls $3.50, MP3 calls $3.50, CO folds, Button folds, SB folds.

Flop: ($18.50) 2c, 5s, 6s (4 players)
BB bets $9, MP1 calls $9, Hero folds, MP3 folds.

Turn: ($36.50) 2h (2 players)
BB bets $7, MP1 raises to $12.20 (All-In), BB calls $5.20.

River: ($60.90) 4c (2 players, 1 all-in)

Final Pot: $60.90
Main Pot: $60.90, between BB and MP1. > Pot won by MP1 ($60.90).

BB has 2d 7s (three of a kind, twos).
MP1 has 6d 6c (full house, sixes full of twos).
Outcome: MP1 wins $60.90.

Wow. I mean, really, wow! Not only did he pull a Pauly with the Hammer, but his hand was almost good!

So why Grubby’s evil twin? Not only did he play the hammer, but he insisted that he should have won, had luck not interceded:

studioglyphic: hammer
BB: 27 almost good
MP1: 27 wow yu ok
BB: thought i was in driver’s seat
BB: no?
MP1: yu drunk or moron
BB: it’s real simple, you don’t flop 6’s i win pot
MP1: luv yu refil
BB: do you call the flop bet w/out 6 on board
BB: answer that
BB: hello, your answer
MP1: refil need action players
BB: your like Bush, can’t honestly answer a question
MP1: need the fish
Dealt to studioglyphic [ Ah As ]
studioglyphic: eff Bush!
BB: i love you week principled people
BB raises [$2].
BB: weal
BB: *weak
MP1: 27??
MP1 calls [$1.75].
BB: answer the question
BB: go ahead
BB: u can’t can you
studioglyphic raises [$4.5].

And yep, the two people involved in the hammer hand were also in the hand where my assrapers picked them clean.

And when he was good, he was very good

I love no limit. Wow, what a run:

#xxx: studioglyphic wins $26.60 from side pot #1 with a pair of aces.
#xxx: studioglyphic wins $19.85 from the main pot with a pair of aces.

My AA vs TT vs AJs, with the other two guys all-in pre-flop. Yeesh. The assrapers held up and I was $26 richer.

#xxx: studioglyphic wins $80.70 from the main pot with a straight, ten to ace.

My AQs vs AKs. I raised to steal, but got re-raised. I called and flopped top pair with a gutshot draw (AJT). I bet half the pot and got re-raised. I called and turned the gutshot while slick made two pair (AJTK). I bet half the pot and got called. Slick pushed when the river paired the ten (1/6 of the pot) and I called (AJTKT).

#xxx: studioglyphic wins $41.35 from the main pot with a straight, ace to five.

Flopped the wheel with A5 and took out the BB who thought his two pair was a BB special from God.

Yeah, I know, a lot of it is just luck, but when you quadruple your buy-in in less than 23 hands, you can’t help feeling that the sky is bluer, your whiskey is sweeter, and everything is gonna go your way.

I ignored those feelings and quit. Time to get back to homework.

My first poker blogger tournament

There are a lot of great reports out there. I recommend you read those first, but if you’re still craving more, or dying to know what I had when I pushed on that one hand, go ahead and read this one:

Level 1: 10/20, T1500. I miss just over two orbits after getting home late from work. I play just two hands and fold both when the flop misses me completely. I notice the table’s pretty tight.

Level 2: 15/30, T1440. A few hands in, I raise with AJo from MP when it’s folded to me.

Level 3: 25/50, T1335. I’ve got KJo on the button and I limp after two limp ahead of me. Flop comes up 2J8 and Mad Motie bets out T200. I raise T200 and Motie goes nearly all in. Crap. I fold. Motie says he had J8. Next hand I raise with Big Chick from the CO when it’s folded to me and take the blinds again.

Level 4: 50/100, T760. Wow, I’m in bad shape. Time to start pushing. With T460 left, I push with Helmuths from the button and win the blinds. On the very next hand I get Assrapers. Cubanlinks throws out T350 and I push. I double up to T1370 which buys me some breathing room.

Level 5: 75/150, T1370. Still in bad shape. After limping with 77 and A4s, I’m down to T770. I get A7o on the button and push after it’s folded to me. Everyone folds.

Level 6: 100/200, T770. 1 orbit later and I’m back down to T770 with A8o on the button. EP raises the minimum and I push. A8o vs A2s, with two of his suits on the flop. Luckily, he doesn’t get his flush and I spike my 8 on the river, giving me T1840. Five hands later, it’s folded to me and I raise from the SB with K8o. BB calls. Shit. Flop is 8QT rainbow and I throw out the minimum bet. BB calls again. Double shit. The turn is the suckout 8, giving me a set. I push, figuring he won’t believe me, and double up to T3280. At this point, I’m feeling pretty good. Two hands later I raise with AQs and win the blinds. One orbit later I’ve got KQs on the button and raise when it’s folded to me. BB calls and the flop comes up 25Q rainbow. He pushes with JT and I call. Turn shows a K which gives me two pair and BB an open-ended straight draw. I start to worry. The river shows a T and I knock out the BB for T4643. I’m now in the running for the money!

Level 7: 100/200/25, T4243. With the number of players quickly dwindling down and the antes pumping up the pots, I raise 4xBB with KJs UTG. I take the blinds and antes. Next hand, MP raises and I call with A2o in the BB. I fold when the flop misses me completely. Stupid. One orbit later, I raise 4xBB with A9o on the button. BB calls. Flop is 274, all spades. I have no spades. BB checks, I throw out T600, BB raises to T2000, and I fold. Well that was lame. So much for being in the running. With T1993 I get AQs in the BB. It folds to the SB who limps. I push and SB folds. A few hands later, I get Big Slick in the CO and push when it’s folded to me. The blinds fold and I’m up to T2693. I’m still kicking myself for losing so much of my stack in that other hand, but feel a bit better now.

Level 8: 200/400/25, T2693. Half an orbit later, the CO pushes. It’s my blind, I’ve got A4o, and it’s only a little over 600 to call. I figure CO might be a little desperate and call, helping him double-up with JJ and no aces for me on the board. Bah. This knocks me down to T1496 and in dire straits once again. I’m looking for a hand to double-up with, but the poker gods are very fickle. I’m blinded and anted down to T321 when I get A8o UTG. I call all-in and face the BB. Board comes up A67Q6 giving my A8 the advantage over his 74. I’m still screwed, and when the same guy raises my blind from the SB, I push with KTo. He shows A7o, but the board decides to give me tens full of jacks and I double-up again. Poor MtDewVirus. Helped me double-up twice in a row. With Maudie cheering me on from the rail and two big wins, I start to lose focus. Two hands later MtDewVirus raises from the CO and I push with ATs. BB calls and CO calls. Uh oh. Yup. BB has TT and CO has Hiltons. Board is 25272, giving my adversaries boats. MtDewVirus more than triples (including the antes) and TPfelt takes the remaining T658. I’m out in 32nd and wonder if I should have learned from my earlier experiences of calling minimum raises with AX.

So that was it. I had a great time playing with all the bloggers/readers and will definitely be up for joining the next one even if it does cost me $22 to languish for four levels and then gamble it all on a few hands. The only good thing about my performance is that I outlasted many of the players listed on the right there. Speaking of which, thanks to Iggy for organizing this. Hopefully we can run more of these tourneys on Stars. Best of luck on your new career.

BadBlood and SirFWALGMan

I’ve been meaning to link up to BadBlood and SirFWALGMan for a while–I often see them playing at the 1/2 and $25 NL tables, and damn if it doesn’t make the grind more fun when you’ve got someone to bait the fish with. Granted, I’m probably not playing close enough attention to the action, and I’m probably given to playing the Hammer more often than is healthy, but then again, poker is supposed to be fun:

SirFWALGMan: 4 sessions at stars = 4 wins for 50 bucks.
St_Glyphic: i think i’m too good for stars. i keep losing money there

After BadBlood gets outkicked:

SirFWALGMan: K-7.. damn!
St_Glyphic: damn, outkicked again
SirFWALGMan: Im on the bad end of the same cards alot tonight.. lol
St_Glyphic: look, the key to winning is a good pair of sunglasses
St_Glyphic: are you wearing your sunglasses?

St_Glyphic: if i have anything more to drink, i’ll puke on my keyboard
SirFWALGMan: lol
St_Glyphic: every button press will be a raise
SirFWALGMan: probably will work

St_Glyphic: hey boys, i need to win a pot
St_Glyphic: i sat down here with more money than this
St_Glyphic: i’m pretty sure of that

Someone gets his flush with 28 suited in the SB after I’ve been jamming with the hammer, and I fold the river:

St_Glyphic: you suckout mofos
SirFWALGMan: lol!
SirFWALGMan: poor glyph..

Then I win by pairing the king on the river and outkicking someone else:

St_Glyphic: how does it feel?
St_Glyphic: sucks, eh?
SirFWALGMan: you both sucked my 3’s out.. lol
St_Glyphic: eff i’m drunk

39 suited runner runner flushes me after calling 3-bets pre-flop:

St_Glyphic: oh lordy
SirFWALGMan: lol
St_Glyphic: ha
St_Glyphic: oh shit that was hilarious
St_Glyphic: man!

Hmm… now that I’m sober, it’s pretty obvious that my chat was more obnoxious than funny. Heh. I’d still do it all over again.

Presenting… the assrapers

In my neverending quest for poker blogger immortality, I’ve decided to add to the lexicon. Some greats have already paved the way with such hands as the Hammer, the Hiltons, and the Helmuths. Well, instead of Rockets or Bullets, I propose we call pocket Aces the Assrapers. Why, you may ask? Two reasons: 1) Someone always gets fucked with them (that includes the person holding them) and, perhaps more importantly, 2) Party and Stars don’t censor the word. I guess that our society has reached a point where talking about illegitimate children is still verboten, but brutal penetration from behind is perfectly acceptable. So be it. May your assrapers hold up in every seat.