At some point last year someone (probably Iggy) dubbed me a poker blogger. Which was a little odd, considering that at least half of the posts I made were political in nature. Obviously this blog has become somewhat less political post-November. At any rate, I’m not sure how many readers I have, but it seems like there are certainly people who check in everyday, and that sort of puts a little bit of pressure on me to perform. Add that to the fact that some people have actually clicked through some of my poker site links and signed up, and now I feel even more pressure to return the favor by posting something about poker.

But what to post?

Can’t do the uberpost. Don’t play in many tourneys. I’m not a really good source for strategy. I’m not your guide for bonus whoring. Other people have the corner on poker news. Haven’t been to a live casino in… well, I guess I was at the Aladdin ten days ago. And I’m not really too interested in writing about my day-to-day play, nor should you be too interested in reading about it, either. I certainly don’t write as well as these other guys.

But I can offer this recommendation: play on Full Tilt Poker.

It’s true what they say. The bonus is hella slow to clear. In the last two weeks, I’ve played there for ten days, usually for about two hours a night, sometimes more, and I’ve only cleared $75 of the $600 bonus. Even the biggest Party bonuses can be cleared by 4 tabling .50/1 for 5-6 hours. This bonus takes a months-long commitment.

Then there’s the lack of hand histories, not to mention PokerTracker-importable hand histories. I’m a lazy person and I prefer to automate things that can be automated. I’m also a data-freak and love to have all that information available to me (though the aforementioned laziness often gets in the way of using that data, but that’s not the point). The absence of these hand histories is a big, big minus.

I’m also a right bastard, and frankly, I don’t think I want this guy behind the code that runs my poker site:

So some might say that all these reasons are reasons not to play on Full Tilt. They might be right, ultimately, but there are some things about it that I really do actually like:

Realtime cashier updates. Keep the cashier window open and it’ll keep your current balance updated in real-time. No more exiting and re-entering the cashier for this monkey. Don’t ask me why this is important to me. Okay, so it isn’t, but I’m delighted nonetheless.

Buttons that work. It’s been documented elsewhere, but I might as well use my own server to bitch about the fact that sometimes it takes two or three clicks to get Party Poker to register a button press. That might be okay for your average one-tabling monkey, but when I’m darting around on several tables, I want to be able to click once and move on to the next decision.

Faster tables. So a full-ring table is only 9 people. Even so, the number of hands you can play per hour is noticeably higher at Full Tilt, and that’s a good thing for us 21st Century, grew-up-with-Nintendo, what-do-you-mean-you-can’t-order-this-online? kids with short attention spans. Plus if you’re a profitable player, you can … er, get yer profits faster.

Michael Jackson avatars. No, they don’t have this, but they should. I’m thinking a whole set of Michaels: Jackson Five Michael, Billy Jean Michael, Thriller Michael, and Baby-dropping Pedophile Michael.

Buttons that work II. Party Poker: “Oh, you’d like to wait for the blinds, eh? How about I sit you out until you’re ready to post the big blind in early position like the rest of these yahoos?” Full Tilt: “Why, of course, sir. [Time elapses] Would sir like to post the big blind now? Would sir like to auto-post the blinds from now on? Thank you, sir.”

Table rotation. I don’t think I ever thought I would find this a useful feature, but it’s great to be able to locate yourself quickly. Oh, look, there I am. Right where I always am.

Better SNGs. I hate tournaments. I hate multi-tables and I hate sit-n-goes. I’m projecting my suckiness, obviously. But if you like SNGs, give the Full Tilt SNGs a try. That $5 two-table SNG I won only charged a fifty-cent fee, had ten minute levels, and started with 1500 chips. If you don’t understand the benefits of that, stick to cash games.

You may be thinking to yourself, “Yes, yes, that’s all fine and good, but I don’t play online poker for the interface!”

You have a point there.

It might help if I shared my dirty little secret. I’m up $500 playing $50 and $100 NL by playing an hour or two on two tables for ten days. This coming from a small stakes break-even player.

Go.

Sign up now.

You’re welcome.

P.S. I’m kidding about Hank. He’s a good guy, and they’re lucky to have him. Buy his book, you PokerTracker-using limit grinder you.

P.P.S. Sorry, Pauly, but I leaked our secret in the name of content. Don’t worry, you’ll still crush those Full Tilt bastards even when both my readers start playing there.