Thank God.

HOW I SCREWED THE IPHONE SCALPERS
Date: 2007-06-30, 2:30PM PDT

Last night I called about 50 (FIFTY!) different scalpers, first calling the greediest – those wanting over $1,000 for iPhones.

I started having them deliver my new iPhone to my “home” on Lincoln. Hint: this “home” of mine has a big AT&T sign above the door. I made a point of calling those that would have at least a 30 minute drive, too. For those on the Westside, I sent them to a store in Hollywood.

But then some of them wanted to meet in a public place, and they suggested the In ‘n Out near my “home.” When they started to arrive, some would call, I’d ask what they were wearing, and I’d tell them I was wearing what the last guy I spoke to was wearing.

I can see it now. “Are you the guy that wants my easy-to-get, available in every Apple Store iPhone, but wants to pay over $1,000 cash in the middle of the night for it?” “Why no, I’m trying to dump mine too!”

HAHAHA!

But it gets better. I started suggesting the 7-11 on Lincoln in Venice. Once about a dozen of them were there, all getting kinda pissed – they kept calling saying that there were others there (I told them I wanted to buy a bunch of them), once I got a good crowd going, I showed up… AS ONE OF THEM!

I pretended I was one of them, and got to hear their tales of woe, spending all day in line to try to scalp, but now it looked like they were getting screwed.

Oh, it was a hoot. Yes, I know, bring on the hate. But I gotta tell ya, it was FUCKING HILARIOUS to see all of these 20-something losers who spent their rent money so they could try to fuck with proper sales to actual buyers that would activate the phone immediately. They were trying to mess with my Apple stock investment!

And now this morning their prices have dropped by hundreds of dollars, now they are down to no more than a few hundred over retail for most of the ads. So I did you, dear buyer, a huge favor, by wasting their time and making them wait overnight to sell, now there are more on the market, and people can see that it’s easily available at Apple stores.

Anyway, it was a fun two hours of my night. And they can try to get me on the phone again, but they never will, because the number I gave them is from a throwaway cell phone number, it’s a spare phone of mine.

Later, suckers!

There’s something about Craigslist anonymity that brings out the best in people.