KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held “theory of gravity” is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
“Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, ‘God’ if you will, is pushing them down,” said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Oh, it is so terrible! The latest shipment of Sit On My Face & Party T-Shirts flew in today from HurdyGurdyland… and all 20,000 are misprinted!!
They are all great enough to wear, for example on a zoo visit, and perfect to use as a cheeky duster, but they don’t have the quality we need to sell them in the shop. Perhaps the t-shirts would score 6/10 in a competition, as opposed to our usual 10/10, but to be honest they are actually completely acceptable – just not good enough for our fruitcake perfectionist boss.
It’d be silly to throw ’em all away, so if anyone wants one – they are free! To get one, just send us a self-addressed A5, or larger, envelope with a minimum of 47p stamp slapped on it, to the address below:
HurdyGurdy T-Shirt Disaster
Faceparty
The Bardfield Centre
Gt Bardfield
Essex
CM7 4SL
OK, we have learnt from experience that some of you (quite a lot of you, in fact) can’t get your head around the concept of a Stamped Addressed Envelope. For those of you who are envelopially challenged, we’ll explain: You need two envelopes – one big envelope and one little envelope. The big envelope must be big enough to fit a t-shirt in it (an A5 envelope or above fits fine, but please don’t send us any more tiny envelopes. If it helps, you could perhaps ask yourself “Will a t-shirt fit in this envelope?” If the answer is “no”, you need to get a different envelope). Write your own address (not ours) on the big envelope, then put a stamp on it to cover the postage back to you (a minimum of 47p is required for standard 2nd class post. If you put any less, or put no stamp on it at all, we will not post it back to you). Fold this envelope up, then put it in the smaller envelope. Write our address (as above) on the second envelope and pop it in the post, with a normal stamp. (Sorry normal people – you just wouldn’t understand!)
